Unpopular Opinion: You Don’t Have to Give Up Your Seat on the Plane If You Don’t Want to
Airplane etiquette is crazy, so tell me what you think.
Personally, I feel that it is entirely the passenger’s discretion whether they would like to extend a gesture of goodwill to the request if asked – but, it should never be an obligation they feel burdened to fulfil even when it traffics itself as a ‘moral dilemma’, like a parent wanting to sit next to their child, or someone with a special condition.
All airlines provide options for seat selections precisely for these reasons; therefore, if you know your circumstance, then my take is that it is your responsibility – and not a whole bunch of strangers whom you’ve never met- to plan accordingly. I really don’t see how it can be reasonable for anyone to board the plane confident with the expectation that some unsuspecting stranger will willingly want to switch seats with you – especially when yours is a great deal less-than. I’ve seen and heard the worst; in fact, it’s not even uncommon anymore for someone to proposition their middle seat for your aisle or even window seat. It is so common that it has happened to me more than once in the last year. And that’s not even the worst of it. Recently, there was a situation in Business Class where a man was asked to swap seats so that a couple could sit together – except, the seat to swap in question, was in Economy.
STORY TIME: The first time I was ever asked to switch seats on a plane, I was on a flight from India to Singapore and a young backpacking couple was attempting a tactical round of passenger chess with everyone in the section in hopes that they could sit themselves next to each other. I’d paid for my window seat but when asked, my knee jerk response said yes (because I don’t know how to say no – especially when caught off-guard 🥴); and immediately I got upset with myself because – I’d literally paid for this seat, and now, I’m apparently going to give it up in what looks like an act that is only going to further fuel their self-entitlement the next time they take another flight. By saying yes, I’d turned myself into the one thing I hate the most when it comes to bad behavior: an Enabler.
So anyways, now that they had me cornered, they just needed to vacate the seat next to me too (yes, they literally picked two random seats to vacate – neither of which was the one on their tickets), and so they proceeded on to the next most natural step: they asked the lady on my left if she would give up her seat too.
As this was happening, I was already grudgingly going about gathering my stuff, about to stand up; when lo and behold, this icon of a woman seated next to me, stoic and austere and dripping ice from her every pore, simply stared at them point blank without blinking, and flatly deadpanned the word, “No”.
No?
We can say No to these things??
I remember sneaking a look at her as I felt a sense of awe/empowerment wash over me. In that second, even as she’d said NOTHING to me, I felt myself learning one of the most liberating life lessons from her that I knew I would ever learn in my life.
We can say, No.
P.S. I will not continue with the story because it gets really confusing from here (and also my point is really to just tell you that you should never feel bullied into saying yes because you can say no) – but long story short, because they’d gotten me to agree to their crazy scheme, they actually continued to strategize a super convoluted three-way by trying to vacate another two random seats elsewhere and putting up my seat on offer because they knew it was prime and would be taken. (I wasn’t lying when I said I paid for it). Take note, they were attempting all of this even after being repeatedly told to be seated because the plane was about to take off; and eventually, they were gently chided by an attendant and had no choice but to retreat to their original, separately assigned seats. As they did, they both gave me a weak smile to indicate that we could continue arranging this after the signal to move was allowed again; but I refused to make eye contact with them thereafter – and between me physically ghosting them and the fortress of ice my neighbour had helped built around us, I guess, that was that.
So today, I would like to know what you think. Should you have to give up your seat when asked? Have you ever been asked, and how did you respond? Would you make an exception just because it’s a mother who wants to sit with her child? What if they’re pregnant? Keeping in mind that they would have been perfectly well-aware of their own needs at the point of purchase – how do they justify their decision in intentionally opting against seat selection, knowing full well that they were going to need them on board?
I suppose, personally, if it comes down to something really jarring, I would submit to the swap if it’s more or less reasonable enough – but, it would definitely speak volumes of the person’s character, especially if it is very clear that they needed seats together but intentionally chose not to pay for them at checkout.
But tell me what you think, I’d really like to know if I make sense – or if perhaps, I just keep a heart and head that is made of stone. 🥲
Comments
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shafinah.j
i get what you mean.. and same here. i find it really hard to empathize with the switcher most times, especially when it’s just a couple or friends wanting to sit together. i mean, seat selection literally exists 🫤
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Sonia
I’m torn on this. If it’s a short flight, I’ll give up my seat if someone truly needs it. I usually upgrade my seats, which makes it a tough call.
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shafinah.j
me too! i don’t upgrade but i almost always select seats which cost more 😐 i just wish the people asking to switch seats fully understand what they’re asking the other person to give up
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Alyson
I love this! This is definitely a hot topic and I agree with you! I usually pick my seat ahead of time and if it’s a long flight there is no way I would want to give it up. Depending on my mood or how short the flight is I could give into a family or someone who seemed stressed about it. But generally, we should be comfortable saying no!
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shafinah.j
exactly! can u imagine paying for a seat for a 12-hr flight, and then someone comes and asks you to swap for like, a MIDDLE seat 😵😵 the audacity is so shocking sometimes tbh (and YES i totally agree with you, we should be comfortable saying no!)
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Jolayne
I probably would not switch unless it was a move up for me. To expect someone to move from a premium seat to an economy seat is a hard no.
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shafinah.j
exactly right??? 🤷🏻♀️
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kmf
I have given up my seat when asked before (if it’s an aisle for an aisle). And have offered voluntarily when traveling solo if I see a couple split up. But I agree it’s a personal decision and do feel empowered to say no if I want to keep my seat.
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shafinah.j
exactly! i think it’s perfectly fine if you wish to (you’re awesome that you offer sometimes even without being asked!❤️❤️) but it should really be just that; a gesture of goodwill. i dont know when this became like a judgment of humanity and people get called out just because they werent willing to swap seats (alot of the time, to inferior placements). 😑
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Anja
You are right – there is no obligation to give up your seat – pretty much every airline I have flown on in the past few years offers pre-booking seat, often at a cost. If I am feeling too stingy to pay for seats, I have to accept that I might sit somewhere else than my husband. Everyone has the option to pre purchase a specific seat if they want one, why should you give up yours. Same goes for hand luggage… the time I have watched trolley tetris, making the flight depart late… all this can be sorted pre boarding, and I am glad more and more airlines are putting their foot down on this to ensure timely departure. The only exception I would make if someone felt unwell on the plane and needed more space/ access, would give up my seat in an instant.
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Tess
totally agree with you! I always try to specifically choose an aisle seat when I can, and don’t mind switching if it’s to another aisle seat or even a window. But if I’m being asked to move to a middle seat, I’ll probably say no (even though it makes me feel guilty lol). Once a guy asked me to switch with his girlfriend (I was in an aisle seat, and she was in a middle seat way in the back of the plane), and I said no. He then offered me $100 so I accepted 😂 made it more of a fair deal I think haha
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Anna
I have a problem saying no too, so working on it… Generally, I would say yes if it was a family with a child aiming to sit together or something similar, for the rest of the cases I’d say yes only if it would not mean going to the middle seat or any other kind of inconvenience – if you can make this small nice gesture, why not? – but not at the cost of ruining your own trip
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Josy A
I don’t think this is an unpopular opinion! I think the lady that just said no was a hero. I would say no unless they offered a similar seat (with a window.)
Linda (LD Holland)
This is certainly a timely discussion right now. I keep seeing different viewpoints about the merits of giving up your seat. I personally don’t think I should ever have to give up my seat. I spend the money in advance to pick a seat that will work for me. While I understand many different cases for people wanting to switch, I would not want a random seat assignment.